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Jokes An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, many bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"
A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages. She said, "Let's see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're fourteen ... "Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins EVERY time?" The woman answered, "Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nothin'."
A man was carrying two babies, one in each arm, while waiting for a train. Along came this woman seeing the two cute babies started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?" The man gave the lady an angry look and replied, "I don't know." The lady asked again, "Which is the boy and which is the girl?" The man looking angrier than before replied, "I don't know." The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are you?" The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are two complaints that I am taking back to my company."
From 20 to 30 if a man lives right, its once in the morning and twice at night. From 30 to 40 if he still lives right, he misses a morning and sometimes a night. From 40 to 50, its just now and then. From 50 to 60, its heaven knows when. From 60 to 70 he's slightly declined, but don't let him kid you, its STILL on his mind!
Dr. Willis finished examining Matilda and went into the hallway to talk to her husband Bernie. "I don't want to alarm you," he said to Bernie, "but I don't like the way your wife looks at all." "Me neither, Doc." replied Bernie. "But she's a great cook and real good with the kids."
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.
Shiela went to the doctor complaining of body odour. "Do you wash?" the doctor asked the smelly young girl. "Oh, yes," Shiela answered. "Each morning, I start at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and I wash up as far as possible." "Well," the doctor concluded, "Go home and wash 'possible'!!!"
The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know, why do men always want to marry a virgin? To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."
On a cold, cold night two bulls are standing in a field. rnOne says "Boy it's mighty cold out here!". The other says "Yes, I think I might slip into a nice Jersey".
Girls are like phones. They love to be held, talked too...but if you press the wrong button, you'll be disconnected.
Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
Don't let your affection give you an infection. Put some protection on that erection. Q: What's pink and hard when it goes in...and soft and wet when it comes out?
Q: What did the penis say to the condom?
Q. Why does it take millions of sperm to fertilize one egg?
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
Q: What is the difference between cricketer's and condoms?
Q: What's the difference between a burnt toast & a pregnant woman?
Sex Quotes "When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows." - Frederick Ryder "Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place." - Billy Crystal "March isn't the only thing that's in like a lion, out like a lamb". - Anonymous Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last. - Remy de Gourmant French writer A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses. - H.L. Mencken American writer, 1888-1956 |
